Negotiating a custody deal for your child can be one of the most challenging deals you need to strike in your life. Yet, it’s almost always better to go this route than to leave it to a court to make the decisions because it’s your child’s, not the judge’s.
Bearing in mind what a court would and wouldn’t do can guide your choices and reduce conflict:
A bad spouse does not equal a bad parent
Whatever your grievances about the other person as a spouse, that does not necessarily translate to them being a bad parent. Even if they are not that great a parent either, they are still important to your child, and trying to cut them out of your child’s life is likely to harm your child.
It’s also unlikely to succeed, as except in extreme cases, courts seek to maintain the presence of both parents in their children’s lives.
Gender does not factor into the decision
A court will not automatically prefer that a child lives with their mother. Those days are long past, so put gender stereotypes aside and focus on what each of you can bring to the role.
Think about your availability, as you are both likely to need to work after the divorce to support your separate households. Many couples find a more equal split of custody works, with the child moving between houses. It allows them both time off to pursue their careers and other aspects of their life while being able to dedicate more time to the child when they have them.
There are many options available for custody, so consider obtaining legal guidance to learn more about how the law applies to your specific situation.